Waiting to Adopt

There have been many people to step up and try to give us a baby. Nick and my journey is a long 8 years worth of heartache in the baby factor. The first one was from a friend who was in an awkward situation and she decided to keep the baby. Next we were in a severe financial hardship with a decent plan to get out of our situation. A friend introduced me to a pregnant teen who did not like the place where we were living. Another young friend wants to be our surrogate. We had a wonderful experience with a little boy who lived with us for 5 months, he was nonverbal and autistic. We loved him until we found out we were just unpaid babysitters for him when we were told no one wanted him. I still love my boy. Then a sweet girl was introduced to me by a cousin and she was going to "give us a chance" but they already were close to a family who checked on her more often.

I did not want to be a chance. I did not want a possibility, I wanted our children.  I used to hold on to our boy's orange Toy Story shirt and cry. My husband and I have been pregnant 6 possibly 7 times. I feel I've failed Nick as a wife at times because the deaths of our children is my body's fault. I am also chronically ill with autoimmune diseases, there have been hard days. I feel it is all getting better now.

I wave had plenty of time to gather things a baby would need every pregnancy I would try to buy 2 outfits in faith. I also have crocheted blankets in various stages of completion (I may just finish them.) Look, I have a crib, a bassinet, a tub, a sling, even a breast pump! So we are prepared and but not ready for a child... but we are!

          Here are some reasons why we are ready

• God has our back and will not give us a child if He does not trust us with a child.
• We have all the needs or the means to get them now. Now we have a business and a salaried manager position. A house we rent and may buy. A recording studio. Before we had a low paying full-time job and rented a basement with spider dramas playing out before my eyes... I had a few music students that income would make up for the food we didn't get from a close friend. I was very ill at the time and most of Nick's income went to rent and co-pays. The owner of the house yelled at us EARLY in the evening for playing music... my livelihood HAHA. We rented a room in a house with 3 guys; musician, alcoholic and introvert, 2 dogs and a ton of visitors. I did not mind anything even the ill working shower... the naked alcoholic was sleepwalking into our room!! I was also allergic to the dogs. 
• I feel like the pied piper of kiddos, they follow me and feel free to go nuts (within reason) and I love it.
• We have the space.

• We have been praying for our family to be complete.   
  
  
  Here are some reasons why we are not prepared
   
• We need to make a room for him where we have a crib full of  baby/child items, a desk, and a dinning room table. 
• I want 1 surgery for my health and an insulin pump with a CGM.
• The yard is a jungle.
• We have so much junk.

Now we have an opportunity to adopt a little 4 year old boy. We've hung out with him a few times and take him to church with us. He has issues and needs intensive therapy. We love this boy. He feels like ours we love him like ours. I know, I know... I love all children deeply, this is a deep Feeling a God Feeling. Even if it is temporary I will love him like this mama can.

We are waiting on the call... so emotionally and anxiously waiting to say welcome home son, let's play cars.